Socialising holds less and less appeal the older I get. Its not that I don't like people, I am no misanthrope.
I'm just an introvert, I like hanging out in small groups, as long as you don't expect me to say anything or are willing to have a meaningful conversation and not just "chit chat".
I fell sorry for the poor guy who got stuck talking to me at the conference. Pre dinner drinks and mingle. ARGH. Luckily he was a sales rep I'd just met last week at work and I guess he had to talk to me or I might not buy any more of his products (oh the power of purchasing MU HU HA HA HA!) I only seem to cope at these things by finding one or two people in a quiet corner to talk to about something interesting.
Anyway, its got to be challenging being my friend, as I never want to hang out. I never call you or drop by. (that's because I hate it when people just drop by so I never do it to other people). But being my friend has its perks! I am extremely low maintenance. You don't have to call me.....ever. No obligations to make sure you have caught up with me this month. I may not see you for months or a year and will still count you my friend.
I do care deeply about people. I am always thinking about my friends and family. Its just hard for me to visit or pick up the phone. Its like a disability. You would not expect your physically disabled friend to go mountain biking or rock climbing with you at the drop of a hat. And its the same for me, you shouldn't expect me to go socialising at the drop of a hat either. I can't do it easily.
I know it doesn't make sense but I still like to be invited to things, occasionally I have to fortitude to go out and I do enjoy myself! I do like people and being with them, its just hard for me.
As for my schizoid tendencies, they scare me the most. All the personality tests (woo INTP) I take show this small leaning towards the schizoid type. I fear as I get older, it will consume me.
But you can be introvert and schizoid and still be happy, different things make this personality type happy.
"I have no ill intent toward those choosing a life of socialization. I prefer to be alone. Do not pity me. Do not judge me as a freak or loser. I am a loner, as you will, a person who simply prefers a lifestyle of solitude. This preference does not make me pathological."
Okay so I'm not quite to that stage yet, but its a quote from a paper I read on the Internet about people with the complete schizoid personality type.
I avoid writing or talking about this too much, its hard to explain that I still like hanging out with people and love having friends but I am also quite introverted and prefer usually to be alone. Introverted doesn't mean shy. Its just different, in a world dominated by extroverts, it is the perceived normal way to be or desire to be. But I just am what I am and it feels normal to me.
Also I avoid writing about it because I don't want to come across sounding pretentious or self absorbed (after all its a post all about me, me, meeeee!). Or precious about my personality type, "oooooo look at me I'm an introvert, tra la la, I'm alone and everyone should feels sorry for me, la de da." Honestly its not like that at all.
I just want everyone to know that I don't hate them and think about you often even if I don't always seem to act on it.